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Repentance III

from Every Nothing by The Formaldehide

/

lyrics

I was ill, I was fucked in the head
The entire time that we were friends
And of course that affected my judgement
And decisions that I made in the end
But I made them (there is no excuse)
And I live with that (for this abuse)
I hurt you (I deserve to lose)
And you live with that

My twin fantasy was never meant to be
It was projected in ways never meant to see
I don't need you to ever forgive me
But I want you to know that I'm sorry
Even if our paths never meet again
Even if you don't ever speak to me again
I just wish we could have been better friends
Or been nothing at all so that there would be nothing

I remember you in that English class
With the bleach blonde hair, or was it jet black?
I guess I don't remember, but I do know
That the coldest you showed me was indescribably whack

And I still don't know why you struck me so hard
Maybe that coldness was just what I needed
I've never felt so defeated
Sometimes I feel like I'm still in that room

Being around you felt like a victory overdue
So I searched for you behind the screen
The rest is now our history
But if I knew that I'd become a demon to you
And drag you down to hell
I wouldn't have said a thing to you
And we wouldn't have met
And there would be nothing

Nothing to make amends for
The toxicity ascends from my apartment floor
I was born told that I could have anything I wanted and more
This entitlement made its descent in your corridor
There's too much to make amends for
The toxicity ascends from my apartment floor
I don't know where to start the end to this war
But I need it to be know that for evermore

It's time to stop running from my mistake
It's time to try and make a change in my heart
I am sorry, I am sorry, I'm so sorry
And I beg for your forgiveness
How can I earn it and be worth it
And be better than this
I must break the cycle
The pattern of idolization ruining civilizations
I wish for your forgiveness
But I need to be worthy of it
And be better than this

I thought of you every single day for a year and a half
I was desperate to be the friend who could always make you laugh
But I couldn't get a grip of myself
Or give up on you somehow
And now I'm just the person
Who stalked you for awhile

When love arrives uninvited
It brings suffering for all involved
The love is stagnant and unrequited
And within an obsession evolves

You were not at fault
I'm the one who failed you
I stalked and harassed you en masse
And idealized you in the past
But now I am ashamed

You were not at fault (I am ashamed)
I'm the one who failed you
(I reserved seats at hell on earth for the two of us)
I stalked and harassed you en masse
And idealized you in the past
(And I am ashamed)
But now I am ashamed

Can you trust anyone anymore
Can you accept gifts from anyone without fear of ulterior motives
Have I made you more afraid of love and affection than you were before
What have I done to you

credits

from Every Nothing, released October 20, 2023

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The Formaldehide Silver Spring, Maryland

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† 2015 - 2023

All sounds by Nadja Wendell Newby Jones unless listed otherwise.

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