Get all 8 The Formaldehide releases available on Bandcamp and save 20%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Every Nothing, Swimming In My Car // Good Luck, Bad Decisions, I Am To Err In a Black Sky & Find Dawn, Johnathen Is Among The Beloved Ones, Sorry I Passed Out And Just Woke Up, I Need My Sleeps (she was alive), Mr. Funeral, Err, and The Formaldehide EP.
1. |
This Love is Everything
06:44
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Well I know that I am filled with imperfections
My head is stuffed up at all time
But I also know that I see potential
And I don't want to let this chance pass by
And of course you're not perfect either
With a darkness infiltrating your mind
But I see through to someone much kinder
What I believe that you could be is what's caught my eye
And I just can't take my mind off you
I'm infatuated through and through
I just know I can't let this go away
I've been waiting on you every day
The disaster of my affection
A collision of imperfections
This love is everything right now
And if I don't do this right now then I will overflow
Right Now, Right Now, Right Now
Well I know that this is a whole lot to take in
You must think I'm out of my right mind
But I promise if you somehow learn to trust me
This premise will make complete sense in time
Because love, you must know that love is so important
A missing piece is so hard to find
And you'll see when we are finally together
We'll both know that we are simply one of a kind
Cause I just can't take my mind off you
I'm infatuated through and through
I just know I can't let this go away
I've been waiting on you every day
The disaster of my affection
A collision of imperfections
This love is everything right now
White smoke might fill our atmosphere
But I know now we could make something amazing happen here
You've become my hope, without you there is no other way to cope
It's far too early to show, but I believe it's time that I let you know
I'm in this with you
I'm in love with you
I'm in this with you
I'm in love with you, I'm in love with you
And I just can't take my mind off you
I'm infatuated through and through
I just know I can't let this go away
I've been waiting on you every day
The disaster of my affection
A collision of imperfections
This love is everything right now
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2. |
STSNBR
04:14
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"You foolish asshole! what are you doing? Latching on to this aloof and innocent boy? His apathy serves the signs you should be observing, yet you still treat him as your toy? He endured your aggression before, but soon you know there will be no more. You will earn what you deserve as the light you've coveted spills on the floor"
It was a dark place when I found you, there was a light that would surround you
You made my earth shake, you were an earthquake
Whenever I was around you
There wasn't any peace for me
Until I gave you a piece of me
I offered without hesitation
I know you had your reservations
But I can't live without you
It's selfish but I think its true
I'm a missing piece
A broken beast stripped of all of my value
I'm glad that you allow me
To leech off your identity
You don't even know who you are
But you are who I want to be
I can't stop being obsessed
With not being obsessed
Over being obsessed with you
I don't mean to oppress
My object of interest
But I've got the best of you
Maybe we shouldn't have met
We're caught up inside this net
You're becoming my biggest regret
A pain I'll never forget
But I'll keep playing this game I guess
Unable to disinvest
Turning friendship into distress
Failing every single test
Read into everything you say (and lose)
Allow everything to go your way (and lose)
I'll pretend everything's okay (and lose)
For some reason I need you to stay (and lose)
I hope this is the kind of song you wanted (I lose)
Kind of song that should've never been recorded (I lose)
I hope this is the kind of song you wanted (I lose)
Kind of song that should've never been recorded
I can't stop being obsessed
With not being obsessed
Over being obsessed with you
I don't mean to oppress
My object of interest
But I've got the best of you
All this subtext leaves something to be desired
So just tell me I'm the one that you admire
I've got this hunch that I'm the one you want
They all told me that you were lucky to have me
But that's just cause they hadn't seen the bad me
I'm going nuts while driving up your walls
I can't stop being obsessed
With not being obsessed
Over being obsessed with you
(I'm stuck to you like glue)
I don't mean to oppress
My object of interest
But I've got the best of you
(Just like I wanted to)
I need to stop being obsessed
(I hope this is the kind of song you wanted)
Don't want to be obsessed
(Kind of song that should've never been recorded)
I shouldn't be obsessed with you
(I hope this is the kind of song you wanted)
But I've done this to myself
Sick of being oppressed
(I hope this is the kind of song you wanted)
By my object of interest
(Kind of song that should've never been recorded)
But he's got the best of me too
(I hope this is the kind of song you wanted)
Created my own hell
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3. |
Easier
04:22
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We are sinking, we can't pretend
It's easy now to see we're bad friends
And we'll stab each other and tell the other not to cry
But if I stab you, and you stab me, who will die?
I don't want us to die
The time has come
The blind will run
The time has come
The blind will run
We live in the same state
But there is a city between us
I just want some poetic, more like pathetic
Metaphor to frame us
The literal distance does not make a difference for people like us
And I'm just trying to reach you
Cause I want to keep you close
And I'm sorry for becoming just another source of pain
I never wanted to be another reason for your life to just circle the drain
I just wanted to be close to you before the next exit
I don't want you to make life easier; I just want you in it!
I don't want to be complicit in your suffering anymore (I'm failing you again)
This could end just like had began
Strangers in revolving doors
I don't want to be complicit in (why am I so helpless)
Your suffering anymore (I'm failing you again)
I just want to be the friend (why am I so selfish)
I thought I could be before
And I'm sorry for becoming just another source of pain
I never wanted to be another reason for your life to just circle the drain
I just wanted to be close to you before the next exit
I don't want you to make life easier; I just want you in it!
But I'm sorry is not enough to stop me from hurting you again
"I don't mean to" will not help you
when I accidentally push you in front of a train
If I can't stop being a threat to you then I must exit
I cannot make your life easier, so why am I in it?
I wish you didn't have to leave
But I'm poison for you, and you're a virus for me
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4. |
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Suffering is the meme of the month
Everyone is doing it so why should I miss out on the fun
Cause this world is empty in all of our eyes
It wasn't built for us, so it's not a surprise
So what should I have felt when I found out what you'd done
And when you left me, you couldn't find the will to care
You just kept moving, as if I was never there
In pathetic disrepair
And you never gave me any attention so now I'm taking it all
And you might watch me die
But I will watch you fall
This red broken crest in my chest has burnt a hole through the rest of what I used to adore and fallen onto the floor
I don't feel it anymore
All all the tears I cried for the time that I wasted was the biggest regret that I felt
As the pain wouldn't end and we both would descend into a mental and emotional hell
And when I left you, I couldn't find the will to care
I just kept moving, as if you were never there
In pathetic disrepair
And I gave you too much attention so now I'm taking it back
And you might watch me fall
But my heart will attack
We used to look through each other like lovers who together had fought innumerable wars
And had died in the comfort of each other's embrace a hundred thousand times before
We used to look through each other like lovers who together had fought innumerable wars
And had died in the comfort of each other's embrace a hundred thousand times before
Could you save my life?
Would you end my strife?
Could you save my life?
Would you end my strife?
I would ask you
"Will you be my acclaim?"
On this dark and stormy night
He'd never understand
He'd never feel the same
He'd never get a single thing right
I ask you
"Will you be my acclaim?"
This dark and stormy night
He'd never understand
He'd never feel the same
He'd never get a single thing right
I would ask you
"Will you be my acclaim?"
On this dark and stormy night
He'd never understand
He'd never feel the same
He'd never get a single thing right
I ask you
"Will you be my acclaim?"
This dark and stormy night
Don't fuck it all up
Don't fuck it all up
Don't fuck it all up
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5. |
Dream Punk
06:00
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A scattered dream that's like a far off memory
A far off memory that's like a scattered dream
I want to line the pieces up
Yours and mine
If I said that my songs weren't inspired by anyone
That just wouldn't be true
So even though this one could be for just about anyone
I know that it's about you
I once had a dream that I had not foreseen
About a boy in my life I thought was so serene
I saw him in my scene, I met him thru my screen
Then he made time to see me I felt like I would scream
He was the quiet type
Used to a client life
With video games and anime was how he'd spend his time
Sometimes he'd play with me
We'd get together and see
If unity could be the key that finally set us free
I used to build highways in the sand
Now all of my roads have returned to the earth
And while the mosquitoes take my blood
I only wish for my heart to return
Inscribe my dreams in stone
With you I feel at home
If I said that my songs weren't inspired by anyone
That just wouldn't be true
So even though this one could be for just about anyone
I know that it's about you
I once had a dream that I had not foreseen
About a boy in my life I thought was so serene
But one day that punk decided I was bunk
Told me he couldn't be mine and so my heart sunk
I thought he was the one
Thought we could have some fun
Thought our potential could be essential in the long run
But I just played myself
Place the history on the shelf
And hope the dream I believe in resides in someone else
Now I stand frozen in time
No way to move on and no way to escape
You are the only one on my mind
The dream gives me hope of finding my way
Inscribe my dreams in stone
With you I feel at home
(Stop me just before I say anymore)
Inscribe my dreams in stone
(The one that I adore falling through the floor)
With you I feel at home
(Stop me just before I say anymore)
(The one that I adore)
When will you arrive and be mine
When will you arrive and become my
Dream punk
Oh tell me when will you arrive
Oh tell me when will you arrive
Oh tell me when will you arrive
And be my
Dream Punk
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6. |
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Do you remember
The night we came undone
While the snow fell
And we and our friends had so much fun
But the chill stirred something inside of us
That had been growing for some time
And look at what happened
Yes I remember
The joy that I once felt
(In the early times when our lives were intertwined)
It used to help me forget about the damage dealt
(It used to help preserve the dream that you would be mine)
But with time the joy became further away
(I wanted to make it all come true)
Along with the dream
(As impossible as it seemed)
You once said no one made you feel the way I did
(You said you loved me in your hospital bed)
As if I was once important to you
(I wanted to save you when you wanted to be dead)
And one day I would find the one for me
(You said you loved me in your hospital bed)
It would be easy and my dreams would come true
(I wanted to save you when you wanted to be dead)
You never meant to be my friend
You only showed me interest for your own sake
Was it good to string me along for eternity
Or a mistake
I was always too eager to give my heart to you
My vulnerability out of check
Drowning you with my confessions of love
Until you stabbed me in the neck
Well look at what happened?
What have we done
Our spirits have blackened
Our bloods overrun
See what has happened
(Apologize, apologize and then)
Know that you've won
(Apologize, apologize again)
And leave it abandoned
(Apologies that seem to never end)
Just leave it abandoned
(We're so sorry for everything)
Well look at what happened?
What have we done
Our spirits have blackened
Our bloods overrun
See what has happened
(Apologize, apologize and then)
Know that you've won
(Apologize, apologize again)
And leave it abandoned
(Apologies that seem to never end)
Just leave it abandoned
(We're so sorry for everything)
We have come undone
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7. |
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There are things here to remember
Some things I'll always regret
All the mutual trauma, deceit, suffering and neglect
There are things here to remember
Some thing's I'll never forget
Wholesale coattails of drama, petty childish disappointment
This is not a fucking Adele song
It's not a Brand New Lorde one either
My absence of Balance and Composure's got me writing prose reminiscent of Weezer
This is not a break-up album
There was never anything to break up
This is a tribute to nothing that could've ever been
So you better fucking listen up
I wanted to give you everything
But I could only give you nothing
So I gave you every nothing
I gave you every nothing
I wanted to give you everything
But I could only give you nothing
So I gave you every nothing
I gave you every nothing
I thought I'd love you 'til my breathing stopped
I thought I'd love you 'til I called the cops
A dark writer in the flock
Guilty of flying in far too hot
Cause you held me when I was hurt
And I held your hand while your dreams were heard
Well being yours was always my dream but now we see what happens to a dream deterred
I wanted to give you everything
But I could only give you nothing
So I gave you every nothing
I gave you every nothing
See what has happened
(Apologize, apologize and then)
Know that you've won
(Apologize, apologize again)
And leave it abandoned
(Apologies that never see an end)
Just leave it abandoned
(I'm sorry for everything)
I hope it was fun
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8. |
Repentance I
02:38
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I don't care if I've lost all of my friends
I just want you to know that I was wrong
I don't care that I've lost all of my friends
I just want you to know
I just need you to know that I was wrong
This is my repentance
(an admission of guilt)
It took far too long to realize what I'd done
And release the hard feelings that I built my frustrations upon
To understand that my actions were worse
Than most of the things that you made me endure
I'll admit. I had given up
I packed it all in and moved on to other things
But others around me became choked up
When they heard the words you inspired me to sing
I know the past was so easily lead astray
And there was poison in every word that I'd say
But now I'd like to say, I've got the antidote today
If it's not too late to try and make things more okay
I hope that you don't leave things this way
(I know that I was acting deranged)
I doubt that your pain has gone away
(And that led us to being estranged)
I want to speak to you someday
(If there's any chance that could be arranged)
I wish to listen to what you have to say
No I fear it's far too l-
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9. |
Repentance II
02:15
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-late
You're listening to a failed attempt
At dying for love and living for resentment
Beware when your actions don't match your intent
For the impact could blacken any hope for redemption
Make no mistake about the decisions I've made
I carry all my regret to this day
I must change and lose my fixating way
So that I never hurt anyone else the same way
You were the one who I put all this pressure on
You were the one who I threw undesired treasures upon
You let me into your life and I set it on fire
All because of my own selfish desires
You were the one who I put all this pressure on
You were the one who I threw undesired treasures upon
You let me into your life and I set it on fire
All because of my own selfish desires
Happiness cannot be acquired by force
A lesson that I could not learn in time
A beehive hidden within a trojan horse
I can't even begin to justify
All the times that you said no
And I relentlessly pressed on
When I couldn't let you go
And you just wanted to be gone
Make no mistake about the decisions I've made
I carry all my regret to this day
I must change and lose my fixating way
So that I never hurt anyone else the same
Make no mistakes about the decisions I've made
I never meant to hurt you in that way
I must change and lose my fixating way
So that I never hurt anyone else the same way
This was all my fault
I am a fool
This was all my fault
I am a fool
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10. |
Repentance III
06:17
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I was ill, I was fucked in the head
The entire time that we were friends
And of course that affected my judgement
And decisions that I made in the end
But I made them (there is no excuse)
And I live with that (for this abuse)
I hurt you (I deserve to lose)
And you live with that
My twin fantasy was never meant to be
It was projected in ways never meant to see
I don't need you to ever forgive me
But I want you to know that I'm sorry
Even if our paths never meet again
Even if you don't ever speak to me again
I just wish we could have been better friends
Or been nothing at all so that there would be nothing
I remember you in that English class
With the bleach blonde hair, or was it jet black?
I guess I don't remember, but I do know
That the coldest you showed me was indescribably whack
And I still don't know why you struck me so hard
Maybe that coldness was just what I needed
I've never felt so defeated
Sometimes I feel like I'm still in that room
Being around you felt like a victory overdue
So I searched for you behind the screen
The rest is now our history
But if I knew that I'd become a demon to you
And drag you down to hell
I wouldn't have said a thing to you
And we wouldn't have met
And there would be nothing
Nothing to make amends for
The toxicity ascends from my apartment floor
I was born told that I could have anything I wanted and more
This entitlement made its descent in your corridor
There's too much to make amends for
The toxicity ascends from my apartment floor
I don't know where to start the end to this war
But I need it to be know that for evermore
It's time to stop running from my mistake
It's time to try and make a change in my heart
I am sorry, I am sorry, I'm so sorry
And I beg for your forgiveness
How can I earn it and be worth it
And be better than this
I must break the cycle
The pattern of idolization ruining civilizations
I wish for your forgiveness
But I need to be worthy of it
And be better than this
I thought of you every single day for a year and a half
I was desperate to be the friend who could always make you laugh
But I couldn't get a grip of myself
Or give up on you somehow
And now I'm just the person
Who stalked you for awhile
When love arrives uninvited
It brings suffering for all involved
The love is stagnant and unrequited
And within an obsession evolves
You were not at fault
I'm the one who failed you
I stalked and harassed you en masse
And idealized you in the past
But now I am ashamed
You were not at fault (I am ashamed)
I'm the one who failed you
(I reserved seats at hell on earth for the two of us)
I stalked and harassed you en masse
And idealized you in the past
(And I am ashamed)
But now I am ashamed
Can you trust anyone anymore
Can you accept gifts from anyone without fear of ulterior motives
Have I made you more afraid of love and affection than you were before
What have I done to you
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11. |
Repentance IV
04:04
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And you were right all along
My desire was far too strong
I kept waiting on you to change your mind
As if you'd one day decide to be mine
I let you use me as well as you could
I did everything a potential lover would
Anything to prolong the time
Before you'd eventually leave for good
I always loved you
But I gave you obsession
You didn't want either of these transgressions
I always loved you
And wanted your love in return
But reciprocation is not something that one can earn
It's either there or its not
Loving me back was never in your plot
And I should not have stuck around
To run your courtesy into the ground
You'll never love me
It's not what I deserve nor what I'm owed
And there were never any feelings for you to show
Other than disgust and loathing
But there is still this devotion
That has been resting inside me
At the bottom of the crater
That sat my obsession
That led to catastrophe
I can never know you again
We cannot be friends for I am a lost cause
Pause silence for an apology
And there will be no applause
You were my victim
I was your abuser
You are the winner
And I'm the loser
I'll always love you Madoka
I'll always love you Madoka
I'll always love you Madoka
But I'll never love you the way I did before
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12. |
Election Day
05:25
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When will I see you again
The insomniac is waiting
The dreamer paints of you
While you sleep
It's always the same
And it's always changing
It's always the same
And it's always changing
Let me in your room
Press my head into your chest
Let me inside and I'll promise
Not to ruin everything again
It's election day
And I'm terrified
And I can only think of you
I'm too gay to think straight
And you're too queer to be safe
I think you're the brother that I always missed
(you made me feel beloved)
I always missed
(I tried to make you feel beloved)
I think you're the brother
(I can still feel your love)
That I was looking for so long ago
(I wished you could feel my love)
When I was alone
Let me in your room
(Look into my eyes and tell me)
Press my head into your chest
(What do you see)
Let me inside and I'll promise
(Tell me how you really feel)
Not to ruin everything again
(About everything)
Look into my eyes
And tell me what, tell me what do you see
Tell me how you really feel
About everything
Let me in your room
(you made me feel beloved)
Don't tell me everything will be okay
(I tried to make you feel beloved)
Please let me inside and we'll promise
(I can still feel your love)
Not to ruin everything
(I wish you could feel my love)
Brother let me in your room
(you made me feel beloved)
[look into my eyes and tell me]
Show me that things won't stay this way
(I tried to make you feel beloved)
[what do you see]
Please let me inside and we'll promise
[tell me how you really feel]
(I can still feel your love)
Not to ruin
(I'll make you feel)
[About]
Everything again
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The Formaldehide Silver Spring, Maryland
Play this loud.
† 2015 - 2023
All sounds by Nadja Wendell Newby Jones unless listed otherwise.
The Formaldehide recommends:
Deathconsciousness
by Have a Nice Life
This is very important to me.
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The best post-hardcore/emo/metal or whatever album of 2018 is right here.
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Pay Attention To Meeee
by Boy Jr.
A good friend that makes great music.
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An expansive intermingling of noise rock and art pop from Aussie rockers Agency; All sales from this record go directly to charity.
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